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Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.

What I really want to break down in this post are the secrets that the consumer markets and society don’t want you to know. The moment you do, you will realize your place in the world and not really care about their rules and standards anymore.

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Let’s dive right in. 

What is self love?

Self love is the love we give ourselves. It’s a state of being where one completely embraces their flaws, shortcoming and mistakes, and is truly grateful for their place in the world. 

Self love makes you feel confident in your abilities, worthy of your dreams and desires, and fills you with happiness and positivity.It reduces comparison with others which is one of the major reasons for unhappiness. You learn to not worry about what others think of you and value what you think of yourself more. 

Self Love Secrets That Will Change Your Life:

1.Mistakes Happen, You Are Not One Of Them

We are human after all and messing up is our nature. And honestly perfection is overrated.

Your mistakes are a part of your story. It makes you stronger and wiser. Your mistakes are your battle scars. Learning to love the past you and the version of you that made that mistake, is the most empowering thing you can do. 

Tell yourself that the mistake is something that happened and not who you are. Showing up with all your imperfections, makes you more powerful than anyone who hides them in shame.

Shame is a sucky feeling and it has no place in your life. It’s absolutely useless. Choose to learn from your mistakes and do better next time. It’s not a part of who you are, it is something that happened.

You are a totally unique person with purpose and passion and you deserve to be happy.

2. Accept Yourself and You Will Find Your Tribe

Do you often feel lost and out of place? Like you have never really fit in anywhere. You dream of far off places like an island of misfits where you finally meet your tribe. I feel you buddy!

But lucky for you, it’s closer than you think. The key to finding your tribe is accepting yourself as you are. This is a major part of self love. 

When you learn to accept yourself, forgive your mistakes and learn to not take yourself so seriously, you also learn how to do that with others. You only hold others to standards you set for yourself. Accept yourself and focus on being the person you want to be.

Doing this has two results – one, it makes it easier to get along with people and two, it attracts people who are more like you.

3. Me, Myself and I That’s All I Got In The End

Learning how to love being alone is one of the best kept self love secrets. If you love spending time with you, so will everyone else. Choose to do things that make you happy and bring you joy. 

Spending time with yourself also includes learning more about yourself. This includes journaling, reminiscing, figuring out your goals and desires etc.

This will help you understand how you would like to present yourself to the world and make it easier to say yes to activities and people who are more in alignment with who you are rather than do things that diminish your energy.

If you want to learn how to love being alone, check out my previous post – here. \

4. Your are Special, Flaws and All

Think about it this way – there are billions of people in the world but there is no one who has lived your life and had your experiences. You are one of a kind. You are diamond, no! You are Platinum!

It’s your story, it’s your strength, it’s your resilience, it’s your kindness that makes you beautiful. 

Maybe you have got a little extra fat on your belly, maybe you have a dark past, maybe you used to be a really rude person, maybe you made some horrible mistakes, maybe your nose doesn’t look like it was photoshopped, maybe you haven’t done a single thing right (according to you) till date. My question to you is so what?

You are still the best you there ever was and ever will be and that is powerful!

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5. Treat Yourself Like You Are Someone You Love

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The best way to love yourself is to do it the way you would love someone else you care about. 

When someone you love is sad, will you say, “You are so stupid, you suck, why did you do that?” or “It’s okay. Things will get better. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

That is exactly my point. Treating yourself like you would a loved one is a game changing act of self love.

Buy yourself beautiful flowers, write yourself little notes, give yourself pep talks, buy that thing you were hoping someone would get for you! 

6. Someone Else’s Opinion Does not Have to be Your Reality

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This is one of the toughest self love secrets. We are programmed to listen to other people’s opinions and suggestions on how we are supposed to live our lives. Unless they are someone you admire, their opinions really do not matter. 

I don’t care who they are. They don’t know you like you do. They don’t know what you are capable of. 

Arnold Shwazenger said that when he was training to become Mr. Universe, people kept telling him it couldn’t be done. But everytime they said no, he heard yes. Every rejection  became his fuel.

Here’s another quote I really love,

“Your biggest supporter is a stranger and your biggest hater is someone you know.”

People in your life have higher chances of holding you back because they aren’t ready to keep up with the person you are becoming because they are stuck in the old version of themselves. 

So even if people tell you something you don’t like, take it with a grain of salt. Ask yourself:

“Is there anything constructive in what they said?”

“Do I really care what this person thinks?”

Usually people project their own fears on you, but that doesn’t have to become your reality. You create your reality. And if you learn to love yourself, your reality will be better than you ever imagined it would be. 

7. Celebrate Your Wins

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The mind has this annoying ability of remembering your mistakes more than your wins. That’s probably because that’s what you spend most of your time thinking about. This is one of the most important self love secrets.

Please note, by your wins I don’t just mean if you won a spelling bee or a race. Your wins can include picking yourself up after a bad day or cooking a meal, putting out a social media post, earning money, making someone’s day, donating to charity etc. Any little thing that makes you feel happy and good about yourself is a win and must be celebrated. 

Take a moment to revel in that happiness and treat yourself to your favourite meal, take the night off, take a bubble bath, do something that rewards you for doing a good job. This reminds the brain that you can do good things too! 

Another great way is to say what you are grateful for when you wake up and before you go to sleep, as it also trains the brain into thinking that there are good things in your life.

8. Be Your Own Cheerleader

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When you think of the worst thing you have ever said, you would probably remember a fight you had with someone else. But did you ever take into account all the nasty things you say to yourself:

I can’t do that

I am so stupid

I am so dumb

I suck

I am the worst

I hate myself

I am not good enough

I look so ugly

I am so fat

I look like shit

Hello! Do you see what’s happening here?

You are training your brain by reinforcing all your worst thoughts. Don’t do that. If you end up doing it, replace it with a better thought:

I can do it if I try

I am smart

I am intelligent

I am beautiful just the way I am

I look great

I am competent

I am more than  good enough

I deserve to be happy

9. Be Kind, Be Gentle But Try

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Self love takes time.You can’t love yourself overnight but if you are patient with yourself, it will happen in due time.

Your journey to self love takes time because you are unlearning all the years of negative programming society, your family, friends and media have cemented into your brain.

It’s simply false. It’s not true, because that negative thought was never yours, it was someone else’s. 

So if you mess up, if you spent the whole day in bed, if you lost your cool, it’s okay. Tell yourself that and be better next time. And if it doesn’t get better today, tomorrow, or day after, it’s okay. 

Be kind and be patient, one day you might just get sick of your excuses and laziness and end up doing things you never thought you could. Just keep trying.

10. Take Care of Yourself

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There are so many little things that you can do daily to help you on this journey of self love. These little actions if done consistently over time, will help your mind learn to love yourself. Here are five ways to take care of yourself:

  • Be proud of how you look (not in a narcissistic way but be able to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself)
  • Train your mind through meditation and motivational content
  • Eat nourishing and delicious food
  • Move your body (exercise, yoga, walking, etc.)
  • Sleep 8-10 hours (depending on how much you need to feel fresh and energized)

These are all actions of self love too. The way you treat yourself is a direct result of how much you love yourself and trust me it shows. 

FIN

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These are the most basic self love secrets one must know to learn to truly love themselves. It’s so simple yet not many people do it. It’s rarely talked about because then marketing tactics and social impositions wouldn’t work on people any more. 

Now once you learn to implement these 10 self love secrets into your life, you will really start to notice a change in your thoughts and feelings. You may want to spend more time alone, you may not want to spend time with certain people etc

That’s all right. It’s normal. Accept that.

These are signs that you are ready to go deeper into who you are and take more steps in the direction of understanding life and what your dream life would look like. 

I will put up a post in due time to help you through that process as well. 

In the meantime work on these steps, follow me on Instagram and subscribe to get my weekly newsletter!

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