How to beat self doubt, how to handle self doubt, how to overcome self doubt, and most importantly how to deal with self doubt, these are the questions I will answer through this blog post.
But before you start reading this post the only thing you should know is that:
It’s not easy.
Even though almost everyone we know deals with it. The truth is it wasn’t always that way. As babies, we are 100% totally fearless and definitely, the last thing we have on our mind is how to beat self doubt.
In fact, the phrase “Don’t be a baby!” – shouldn’t even be an insult.
As babies we don’t know that if we jump from a great height we could die, we don’t know that touching sockets could lead to electrocution or death, we don’t know that ghosts exist, we don’t know bullies or violence exists in the world around us.
Not knowing can be a great benefit in this case.
Imagine if all you knew was that moving to a new city would be an exciting adventure. You didn’t think whether you would be lonely, or could get robbed or hurt or lost in any way.
A life with only upsides and now downside.
That’s what life looks like to a baby.
But as the baby begins to interact with adults and almost adults they begin to absorb their fears. It becomes a part of who they are.
They too become afraid of heights, spiders, animals, the dark, being on stage, taking risks, being embarrassed, being wrong and a number of other fears human beings have. We have a phobia for everything.
I have had people who have started their self-introspection journey and soon realize that they, in fac,t did not have many of the fears and doubts they thought they had. They had just adopted most of them from their parents and other people around them.
Now let’s face the truth.
Self doubt can make you feel like shit.
As if nothing will ever go right in your life again and everything is downhill from this point. Drop a comment below if you have ever felt like this before.
I know I have.
In fact, I felt like this just two weeks ago.
Here’s a little backstory:
I was down to my last two colleges that I really wanted to get into. And one of them had just rejected me and the other wanted me to attend a group discussion and sit for a personal interview to see if I was a good fit.
I was stressed. I still haven’t learned how to process rejection that well and getting rejected for something that you’re really hoping to get sucks.
I felt like I wasn’t good enough do get into these colleges. And thus began my downward spiral. I just cried for days.
I felt weak, but didn’t do anything to make myself feel better.
I felt stupid, and didn’t do anything to get smarter.
If there is one thing I know for sure in this life is that it is always best to address an issue as soon as it happens and do something to change it. Letting it fester will only lead to more unhappiness.
About four days before my interview, I get an email saying that I was admitted into the first college. And classes for College A were going to start on the same day as the interview for College B.
That’s when my next wave of self doubt began.
What was I to do?
I had to face the fact that I really liked the second college more.
I had to suck it up and just let the first college go. And focus on my interview.
I performed really well at the group discussion and did quite well in the writing test. But I really felt like I didn’t speak as well at the interview. I felt they were looking at me and waiting for something more, someone different more exciting and they just weren’t getting it.
My self doubt led me to disregard all my achievements so far. My two years working at a digital marketing agency, learning everything from SEO to PPC from scratch, how I had worked so hard that convincing my boss to let me leave was one of the most difficult things I had to do.
It didn’t matter because all I could see in their eyes, were my worst fears.
I wasn’t good enough.
I don’t have the experience.
I don’t deserve a spot.
Everyone here is better than me.
“When you succumb to fear all you see is failure. “
Four days later, I get an email saying that I have been accepted into the second college too.
Because in my heart of hearts I knew I deserved it.
So that got me thinking, what was the point of all that fear?
Why did I cry for days?
Why did I stress my self out to the level where I had a bad stomache?
Why did I not believe that I could do it, when all the signs were telling me I could?
THE ANSWER IS FEAR.
What is Self Doubt?
Self-doubt emerges from fear. Fear comes from the things you see, people you interact with and the things you hear.
In my ear my parents were telling me things like “Why risk it?”, “Take what you have got”, “Maybe this is your best chance at getting a degree.”
I wasn’t strong enough then, but all I had to do was tune them out. Let’s get into the good stuff now. There is no one-way track ton how to beat self-doubt overcome it or even deal with self doubt but there are a few common steps each of us can take to stop doubting ourselves.
How to Beat Self Doubt
1. Indulge It
Listen to what fears are saying. Take in all the bad and the ugly. Nod your head or write it down. The choice is yours.
2. Break It Down
Try to understand why you might be feeling that way.
For example, “I feel like I am not good enough because I am comparing myself to people who are far older and on different paths than I am. I am comparing myself to someone else’s expectations of who I should be. So I must stop comparing myself.”
3. Bid Adieu
Once you zone in on the problem areas. It’s time to put an ‘X’ mark on it. Verbalize or write down your solutions. It can look like this.
“I feel like I am not good enough because I compare myself too much. I choose not to compare myself anymore. I thank my expectations for setting high standards to aspire too, but my path is my own and I will find success my own way”.
4. Hide And Don’t Seek
Once you have addressed and engaged with self-doubt. It’s time to erase it completely. Throw it away and never turn back to look for it ever again.
Not even once, not even for half a second.
IT’S NOT WORTH IT.
Imagine you are playing a game of hide and seek where you are the seeker but you are just too cool to play. That’s how to beat self doubt, it’s not worth your time, because you are too busy hyping yourself up.
5. Snap Out of It
It would be so easy if I could just say, “And that’s all folks, you have officially gotten rid of any self doubt you have ever had with these four steps.”
Unfortunately, self doubt is a sneaky little minx who likes to come out once in a while and tempt you with its wily charms. This is why step 5: ‘Snap Out of It’ is as important as the first four combined.
Every time self-doubt makes an unexpected experience you have got to show it where the exit sign is. And forcefully remove it from the premises of your mind if they fail to leave in a civil manner.
This will be an ongoing battle for as long as you live a.k.a having a brain but it will get easier to deal with self-doubt the more you practice these steps or your own version of it in your daily life.
I hope you found these tips helpful and gave you a little insight into how I like to deal with my problems. Not dealing with self doubt, is the quickest way of stopping ourselves from ever being truly happy.
If you have any other topics you would like me to talk about. Let me know in the comments below. I look forward to your feedback in the comments section or DM me on the official Purple Glitch Instagram handle @thepurpleglitchblog.