This quarantine and pandemic has got us all feeling some type of way.
It’s like you have three good days where you feel like a well-adjusted individual and then on the fourth, you start crying watching a meme on your phone.
What we are facing today collectively as part of the human race is something no other generation has ever faced before. Therefore there is no cheat code, no YouTube tutorial, blog post to put an end to the Coronavirus.
There are two emotions that I seem to be battling with the most and one is grief and the other is guilt.
Let me give you an example to help you understand my thought process and please don’t judge the example:
One of the things I miss the most during this time is eating food from outside, mostly junk food and stuff. I am currently staying with my family and my mom has put a strict ban on outside food because she is afraid the delivery boy might have COVID. And I feel pretty sad thinking of amazing subs and plates of pasta and burgers that I am missing out on, but immediately I think oh shit! Who am I to complain? I get home food every day, good food, I am safe and sound. What kind of spoiled brat am I to feel this way?
I know it’s a pretty lame example, but I have honestly thought about this a lot.
But my question is this: Why am I not allowed to feel sad? Why am I not allowed to feel grief? Why am I always choosing guilt over grief?
We are truly blessed to have the amenities and means that we have around us, but that does not mean that we have no right to feel sad about what is happening to us.
Everyone is losing out on something.
We are all missing on someone, something, someplace, or some experience.
Students are missing their graduations, other missing opportunities for career-defining internships. Others are losing their jobs or missing out on promotions. Some are missing their friends and family and their depression and anxiety are acting up.
Yes, we have what we have, but we have also lost quite a bit.
Whether it’s time with your friends, happy hour at your favorite bar, getting dressed up to go out, being stuck in traffic, or the noise of the city, or just being in the presence of a group of people and all of you collecting feeling and experiencing something together.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a life-defining moment in your life or the mundane moments of listening to a lecture or a meeting in a place that is not your home.
It’s okay to be sad about it.
It’s okay to miss it.
It’s okay to grieve over moments lost and memories made.
In fact, I recommend that you do feel your sadness and grief.
We are living in a time in the world when we are exposed to so much information. Most of the time it is great – it helps us learn, grow, and evolve.
But the rest of the time we are bombarded with information that we don’t really need or require and that unfortunately upsets our peace of mind.
The news is now 24X7. That means that every moment of your living breathing life you are being exposed to things happening elsewhere. The violence, the deaths, their loss, their sadness.
We are involuntarily made to feel the pain and sadness of millions of people across the globe with every scroll, double-tap, and click.
It’s the side effect of information overload.
Their pain is not your pain, yet you are made to feel it. And it’s good that you do because it means that you are still human.
But it pushes down our sadness, our losses, and our pains and makes us feel guilty about feeling bad about it.
STOP FEELING GUILTY…. And feel your feelings instead.
- Cry it Out
Wherever you like. In your bed, in your car, in the shower.
- Talk to Someone
Call your friend, that one person who you know will never judge you and give your dilemma the weightage it deserves. Look online for therapists you can call on the phone and talk to as well, if you find yourself slipping.
And my recommendation is to limit the time you spend tuning into the news or news accounts on social media.
The more we are exposed to the sadness and grief of the world, the more we push down our own emotions, and eventually, the guilt turns to numbness as we become desensitized to everything.
Your sadness is important too. What you are feeling is important too. Don’t push it down, give it it’s due diligence.
In these uncertain times, it is crucial to let go of the guilt over grief and replace it with another G – Gratefulness.
So maybe we can look at it this way and allow our emotions to take the following path:
Grief – > Guilt – > Grieve- > Grateful
When you feel grief over something lost or missed, we tend to make ourselves feel guilty about it.
But what you can do to overcome is to go through the guilt and move on to grieve. Actually, be IN YOUR FEELINGS.
Do whatever it takes to get that sadness out of your body. In a positive way, of course. You can use Dr. Ramani’s recommendations.
And then remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for. Actually, say or write ‘I am grateful for…’. And remind yourself gently of the reasons you have to move past your loss and sadness.
This is not something that happens in minutes. It will take time, but we can all give our grief meaning and the importance it is clearly yearning.
Remember your feelings and life is important too.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Keep yourself safe, clean, and at home. Stay tuned for more posts and follow us on Instagram for more updates.